"That guy"

Sometimes it seems the weekends are the lowest point of the week for me. I live alone and have no girlfriend; I do have a good number of friends but they are all married or living at least a hundred miles away. The trouble with married friends is that they seem to have different priorities than I do. I know if I try to put this together i am going to screw it up but here goes anyway. From my point of view it appears that my married friends have a different set of priorites than I do. I am always looking for something, for satisfaction, for focus. It is not just a romatic relationship that I want to find, also purpose. I dont know what it would take to find this mysterious existential satisfaction but it is a weight on my mind almost all the time. And when I react to people out of this unquiet state I get odd looks and am told that im just being myself again and then polite laughter like they just told a joke. some understand, some tolerate, some refuse to deal with me. Thats fine. But they need to understand that this is not me. This stressed out, apparently offensive me is not me. I dont want to be "that guy."